I feel like I need to accept uncertainty of everything. Every morning. Uncertainty of the future and how I feel in the present. I want to be able to accept how I am feeling every second of the day so that I don’t get caught off guard with ocd, when it tells me consistently that what I am doing May no be right or how I am being might not be right. Some days I am better at this some days I’m not. I want to drown out the ocd voice completely and feel no shame when I catch myself listening to it or when I fail to meet its standards. I am so done with it, being tortured by it and thinking that is actually has control over me. It could or it couldn’t I choose to believe and be content with either POSSIBILITY.


OCD is not REAL

One more thing, I feel like writing or talking about the fact that OCD is not real is great. OCD is NOT REAL. EVERYTHING that is says, accuses us with. It’s not real. SO STOP. Stop listening. I know it’s not that easy, but there is so much beyond the thoughts that OCD produces in your head. YOu will never be just those thoughts so don’t worry about them. Let them go. Let them run through your mind as ONLY thoughts. DOn’t give them your forefront focus. Not because their not worth it, but because they are more thoughts. LET THEM BE. OKAY, Amen, 

Your awesome for fighting your OCD, YOur so so so so strong,You are intelligent for the ability to teach yourself about OCD while battling it at the same time. IT is hard, but it also just your thoughts and their scary, but there going to be in your head anyway so why not just let them come? Keep going, keep living. Don’t make OCD your focus. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Distract yourself from the thoughts until your mind is strong enough to let thoughts run normally through. Okay Ill have more tips soon, love you all!!!


On the Other Side

Just half a month ago I thought I was never going to be able to go about day to day life normal again. Now, just a couple weeks later, I found a medicine that has worked to stop my OCD. So now, I am on the other side. It feels like I can finally think and process things. Like I can feel my emotions again, instead of being utterly exhausted and stressed and numbing myself to them. I am happy. I am excited. I am so grateful. I am worried about my motivation because when my OCD was at its worst I would just concentrate on succeeding in day to day life for fear that I wouldn’t be able to keep a job or any relationship (OCD). Now, I can think beyond just surviving day by day. It feels good, but i’m worried..? I have matured so much as a person, but God has stayed the same. My relationship with Him has not changed. So OCD humbled ME in ways a person doesn’t usually experience, I am so thankful for it. I learned how Jesus continued to hold onto the cross when the pain of the whipping and lashing became beyond bearable, He still held on. The wooden cross was His comfort. He could continually remember what carrying the cross represented to Him– God gave it to him to bear. He just held on to that cross and REMEMBERED how close God can be through pain and suffering. He wasn’t going to let go and stop bearing His cross because He was so close to God through it. God gave Him His specific cross to bear. This gave Him comfort in God’s closeness to Him. Beautiful.  



OCD and Forgetfullness-

I guess I have never realized how much my OCD causes me to forget in such a short period of time. That includes forgetting I even have OCD and so it can quickly catch me off guard. URGH. So this weekend, medicine wasnt working by itself because I was running low. So upsetting. BUT not permanent and fighting OCD is never too hard. I got it. I can always do it, no matter where it puts me. Talk about refining. Having OCD about my deeply held beliefs about myself truly refines myself to exactly who I am. Nothing can change this. OCD can just change my mood for a long period of time, but not my heart or who I am.. It is such a thief of joy and confidence, but I have stolen that back from it. THANKFUL TO THE LORD FOR MEDICINE. Please get help if you have any sign of OCD. Get on medicine, don’t hesitate if you feel you can’t get it under control. Just don’t. It will only drown you further. No more doubting. It wants you to doubt every single thing even the idea of getting help or medication..just. get.help. 

Being Me with OCD by Alison Dotson

So helpful!


BeingMeWithOCD I first connected with Alison Dotson through the International OCD Foundation blog, where we realized that we were both from Minneapolis and made plans to get coffee.  I can still remember that first in-person meeting at Dunn Bros, one of those lovely times between two obsessive-compulsives finding joy and relief in saying, “Me too, me too!”

Alison’s book– Being Me with OCD— is aimed toward teenagers and young adults, but I think its audience is much wider than that.  It’s incredibly well-written, chock full of helpful information, and– most importantly, I think– it’s like sitting down with a friend.  While reading it, I kept thinking of my first meeting with Alison.  Her comforting, empathetic voice comes through so strongly in the book that you feel like you have a friend, a cheerleader, right beside you.

The book is part-memoir, part self-help, and is sprinkled throughout with personal essays from…

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As of now, I believe OCD has saturated my life even in the simplest ways. Just like obsessing while cleaning, driving, singing, small talk, soccer, schoolwork, relationship with God, watching tv, sleeping, going to sleep, worship, eating, anything else? But after finding a medicine that works for the first time in 2 years, just one week ago. The day I took it was the first time I was able to stop thinking TOTALLY like not even question myself why I am not thinking.

I know this is very vulnerable stuff to share, but I don’t find it embarrassing in one bit, sometimes it’s just so hard to not feel like others are trying to lessen the terribleness of it when they say things that are meant to sound uplifting and encouraging, which is truly their heart behind it. Yet these things are not able to breakthrough the pain and confusion ocd causes in the mind. So as much as a ocder understands the good aim behind such encouragement, it is still somewhat hard for them to hear. Jesus thank you for the necessity to be slow to anger with others in hard times of ocd.
Ocd doesn’t mean you are unable to do or believe certain things. It just takes extra effort and focus and that for sure is a reason why ocd is incredibly tiring.

I am going to write more later. Thanks so much for reading/listening 🙂


I’m Here!

HI 🙂



I am here. I am back, to write. I need to write. I think writing will help my OCD.

I have to write. because now, I can. OCD stole that from me. It stole speech/communication away from me. and I am DONE. I am not going to let it steal anymore. If you are wondering, I would have thoughts caused by OCD that would sound like “I am not going to be able to say what I want to say right” …so then I wouldn’t say a simple answer to like a question like “How are you doing?” I would have the thought “well, if I say this, this might not be EXACTLY how I feel so then I would be lying and then I would analyze and analyze and analyze why I didn’t know “How I really felt” or I would feel like I never truly knew what I was feeling in that moment. CRAZY. So then I would get super frustrated with myself and down. I couldnt trust myself then.. LIESSSSsssSS OCD might latch onto something that passes so quickly normally through your mind, but you never would have payed attention to..you begin to feel like there is something actually wrong with you… because who is able to analyze their thoughts this way? Not many, just those with OCD.

so you can see how tangled up you can get…even with the knowledge that you are not going crazy and these thoughts are not factual..their just thoughts.